You never can tell
by finmagik
Summary: Auntie Fin comes bearing crack. The Doctor gets married. And Not to Rose, Martha, Donna, Jack or the Master. And it's not Ten.


"That was easier then I thought," The Doctor said with a chuckle. He got off his knees, straightened his scarf and sat back down on the couch next to Romana.

"Easy Doctor?" Romana commented.

"Well, I just proposed you accepted. All I had to do is kneel." He said smiling.

"You didn't even have a ring," Romana said. "You offered me a jelly baby."

"Ah, well, I had a ring, a very pretty ring and I thought it was in my pocket. " He said.

"It probably is." Romana said.

The Doctor stuck his hands in his coat pockets and searched. A startled, happy look came onto his face. "By Rassilon it is!"

He took out a small velvet box and handed it to Romana.

She opened the box and glanced at it. "Mmmm nice. Though ring giving is a human tradition, on Morva potential suitors offer an enemies head as a proposal of marriage."

"Ah, well, a ring is easier to carry." The Doctor said. "And doesn't rot."

They were in the media room, a cramped, crowded, room in the TARDIS. The frozen image on the screen was that of Uma Thurman in a blood stained yellow jump suit. The Doctor pressed a button on the remote. And 'The Bride' went back to slaughtering the crazy 88. Shortly afterward K-9 came by with popcorn.

"You know I've never been married before," Romana said. "I wonder what it's like."

"It's well... mmmm interesting. You'll like it, mostly." The Doctor remarked and stuffed some popcorn in his mouth.

"The thing is, Doctor I've been thinking about the wedding. Since I've never been married I want something rather spectacular." Romana said.

"It will be." The Doctor said.

"I don't mean 21th century Las Vegas." Romana said.

"Ah...." the Doctor's face looked worried.

"Or 19th century Gretna Greene, or 80th century Jorkit Alpha." Romana said.

"Oh?" The Doctor's worried expression grew by degrees.

"I want.... an elaborate ceremony followed by a big party. And I want to invite everyone." Romana said with a grin.

"Everyone?"Asked the Doctor.

"Well, not everyone obviously." Romana said.

"Does that include all of me?" Asked the Doctor.

Romana put a hand on her chin and thought for a few seconds. "Yes."

The Doctor and Romana at in a office in Gallifrey in the Panopitcon. Sitting before them was a very harassed looking bureaucrat.

"So if I understand it... you want violate several laws of time just for a wedding?" The bureaucrat said.

"Well, it is a special day." The Doctor said.

"No." said the bureaucrat.

"Did I mention I am Lord President." The Doctor said.

"Yes, that's as may be. But if you actually showed up and did your job then I might consider bending a few...." The bureaucrat said.

The Doctor sighed. "It's only one day."

"One day that could destroy the entire... everything!" The bureaucrat said. "As you very well know!"

Romana looked at the bureaucrat. She smiled. "It's my first wedding and it is tradition that the bride gets whatever she wants."

"Yes but that doesn't extend to---" the bureaucrat said.

"It doesn't?" she blinked at him, as she was naive or stupid. "Tell me how long has it been since you've been to party?"

"Me, well.... mmmm... well..." The bureaucrat said.

"Quite a while I'm guessing." Romana said.

"Well, yes." the bureaucrat said. "Several regenerations in fact.

"Would you like an invitation?" asked Romana.

"To a party that violates the laws of time?" The bureaucrat asked.

"There will be cake." The Doctor said. "And dancing."

"Yes!Any party which I have to suspend the laws of time for is going to be a-Gallifreyan equivalent of fuckin'- mazing!" the bureaucrat said.

"You know the TARDIS can make you a perfectly good wedding dress," The Doctor said as Romana spun around in the mirror in the nth wedding dress she'd tried on.

"This is my wedding, 'perfectly good' is not good enough. I want to look like a vision of some privative world's virginal goddess." Romana said.

"Also I should mention the TARDIS will perform this service for free." The Doctor said. "The virginal part that isn't entirely...."

"It's my wedding." Romana said. "And I want a white dress that's very, very, very pretty."

"Well, I think I do play an important part in it." The Doctor said.

"About that," Romana said examining the hem of the white sweeping gown. "You'll be getting fitted for a tux."

"Just a mintue!" The Doctor's eyes bugled and his curls shook. "Romana you've run mad!"

"You can still wear the scarf." Romana remarked.

The Doctor thought for a moment. "Alright."

"So how's this cake taste?" Asked Romana.

"Mmmm good." the Doctor said.

"You said that about the last three." Romana sighed. "I think you are just using this as excuse to eat cake."

"Ah yes." The Doctor admitted.

Romana shook her head. "We have to pick one. Just try the next one and tell me what you really think."

The Doctor picked up the sample of wedding cake and tasted it. "Could use some currants and treacle."

"You don't put those in wedding cakes," Romana said. "And we are not celebrating our nuptials with a huge spotted dick."

"Very well," The Doctor said. "We'll celebrate the wedding night that way."

The man, (well not man really but large luminous blob with tentacles) Was happy for the couple renting _The Elegant _suite of rooms at the Intergalactic wedding space station.

"You'll be having a western hemisphere earth style wedding correct." He burbbled.

"Yes." Said Romana.

"And you'll be requiring a religious figure to officiate, catering staff, a bartender and a Dj?" The Blob said.

"Of course." Romana said.

"Well, not a DJ." said the Doctor.

"Who is going to play the music including 'our song'?" asked Romana.

"We have a song?" asked the Doctor.

"For this occasion we do." Romana said.

"What is it?" asked the Doctor.

"Who is going to DJ?" Romana asked

"K-9 asked for that particular honor. He's very excited about it. Even taken to calling himself DJ Kibble and Bytes. HAH!" the Doctor laughed.

"Very well," Romana said. "As long he plays our song."

"Could tell what that is?" The Doctor said.

And Romana whispered it in his ear.

"Ah, that makes sense." The Doctor said with a grin.


End file.
